What a Widow Wants
What does a widow need? Or want? What are some practical, helpful things you can do to come alongside someone who is facing such a life-altering experience, while simultaneously going to work, raising children, keeping up with a house, and recreating a life minus one special person?
Here are some ideas. We asked some of the Paisley Project widows to tell us either what helped them the most during their journey through widowhood, or what ideas, gifts, services and support that helped them get through the days.
Take her car in for routine service, oil change, new wipers etc…
Make sure her car tires are in good condition and season ready.
Offer to do any lawn care necessary, such as raking leaves, blowing out sprinklers, fertilizing and aerating.
Offering to help write thank you notes for flowers, gifts, cards, and help with the memorial service.
Clean gutters or check the furnace.
Offer to shop for groceries
Take dog/cat to the vet for vaccinations, grooming, even just for a walk.
Offer to babysit!!!!!!!! A Lot!!!!!!!
Volunteer to go with her to see estate attorneys and social security office, bring all necessary paper work, such as death certificates.
Go with her to the DMV, make sure she has the proper documentation, registration proof of insurance, death certificates.
Schedule a massage for me and provide babysitting!
I loved getting meals 3 days a week for a year. I had 4 separate types of friend groups that each had a team leader. Each team took a month to supply meals and kept rotating for a year.
I didn’t answer the phone between 4-7pm, since that was my busiest time of the day for me with the kids. Most of the time people were just calling to check on me. They would leave a message to say call them if I needed to talk.
Gift cards for Starbucks, or grocery stores, or meals out when I didn’t have the energy to cook.
I loved that my friend came over every Wednesday to watch my kids while I took out a different kid on a dinner date. (Sometimes I got to go out without a kid, too!)
Having friends call to ask if they could take the kids or some of the kids with them so I could have some alone time.
I loved that my Uncle (a retired lawyer) made the phone calls to social security and other appointments and then also came with me. I didn’t always have my thinking cap or ears on when I went to those meetings.
I would appreciate offers to do any lawn care necessary, such as raking leaves, blowing out sprinklers, fertilizing and aerating, shoveling snow.
Clean my gutters or check the furnace.
Offers to shop for groceries
Someone to take my dog/cat to the vet for vaccinations, grooming, even just for a walk.
Offers to babysit!!!!!!!! A Lot!!!!!!!
A heated mattress pad, so I didn’t always have to get into a cold, lonely bed.
A stylish messenger bag that was easy to carry around with all my legal documents and death certificates.
A weekly pedicure with a friend.
Having my car cleaned and filled with gas every Sunday evening. When everything else feels so out of control, it would be nice to have this little space feel clean, functional, and peaceful.
It would be helpful having someone check in regularly to review my bills and make sure they are paid on time.
Invite me to Sunday dinner!
It would be useful to have access to professional services, like a financial planner to help me budget and forecast for the future, or an attorney to get me through the estate process.
Most widows don’t necessarily move right away, but if that becomes necessary, providing help to find a realtor, help with packing and, of course, with the actual moving.
It would be great to have someone offer to help with small home repair projects or fixing appliances.
If you are a widow, and have other suggestions about what was—or might be—helpful, please forward them to karyl.mckendry@gmail.com.