Ten Years On, and Just Beginning
Paisley Project is now officially ten years old, but it’s hard to say when our non-profit truly began. Maybe it was that awful autumn day in 2010 when my sister Karyl’s husband was killed in car accident, and she found herself navigating life as a widow, reshaping the future for her kids and our family.
Perhaps it was during that Valentine’s Day gathering, where Karyl’s condo in Denver transformed into a sanctuary for widows, offering a warm connection instead of the sting of a romantic holiday when your spouse is no longer around.
Or maybe it was the night we celebrated the launch of Karyl’s heartfelt memoir, Lovely Tragic Miracle, which laid bare her soul’s journey through the darkest of times–through death and court battles and unexpected grief.
The seeds of Paisley might have been sown on a that snowy winter evening when Karyl, hearing the loneliness of a widowed friend left behind by her own circle, proposed a simple idea: let’s create our own happiness. That spark of joy turned into a long weekend of laughter and tears at our Carmel Valley home, where a band of widows found solace in hiking, coloring, piecing together puzzles, and losing track of time over music and coffee and endless conversations over in cozy pajamas.
Officially, Paisley Project took root in 2014, but its essence was nurtured in these countless fleeting moments. We’ve stumbled, learned, and poured over research on grief and trauma, seeking ways to help women gracefully dance with their loss. Karyl became a light in the dark world of widowhood, connecting with widows through texts and private Facebook chats, offering a shoulder during their loneliest nights. Then we’ve watched with joy to see these same women rise and extend the same compassion to others.
Paisley Project took a giant step forward with the introduction of professional coaching and our L.I.V.E. philosophy, helping widows endure and honor the (L) Loss, rediscover their (I) Identity, create a new (V) Vision for the future and find ways to (E) Engage in the world, newly empowered by all the ways they have grown through hardship and exquisitely compassionate toward other people.
For a decade, we’ve shied away from formal fundraisers. Instead a few core supporters pitched in money when we needed it, and we volunteered our homes and our resources and our time. Karyl worked for free, even when the pandemic forced her to make personal and financial sacrifices to keep our mission alive.
All of this has been more meaningful and impactful than I could have ever imagined. I would never have wished for the accident that widowed my sister and took away a father from her four children. I would never have wished widowhood on any of the amazing women I’ve come to know and love.
But I am grateful nevertheless. Because the past ten years have brought us here, to this place where we finally have the confidence to know that what we do makes a difference. We now know that the Paisley Project helps widows find community as well as hope. We know that our chosen Modalities of Healing work and can help women heal faster through loss and avoid falling into Complicated Grief.
We now know that Paisley Project has trained and expanded the services of professional coaches to help widows develop new coping skills and plans for their futures. And that these same coaches help staff a daily Help Line that we be proud of.
So, in some ways, we are starting fresh now, taking all we have learned and moving forward in ways we believe reduce suffering, and provide meaning during one of the most challenging situations a woman can endure.
We are ready for our next chapter and are hoping people will support us—financially and otherwise—as we move into our next decade. Please consider joining us in our time-limited fundraising campaign. We are going places.
I can’t wait.